In the middle of the semi-circle of chairs, directly opposite our facilitator, I sat in floods of tears with 15 pairs of eyes on me. It was day 4 of the training, and it was only the day before that I had been waxing lyrical about how amazing I felt and how my heart was so open and the world was so wonderful and colourful and bright... I had been a virtual paragon of positive thinking. So what happened in that 24 hours to turn me into a wet mess?
If you find that you try all the positive thinking and law of attraction stuff, but only get so far before you start behaving in a way that is so not aligned with where you want to be, then you might have the same problem I did. Because you can do all the positive thinking in the world, and spout affirmations till the cows come home, but if you haven't done the deep diving into your emotions - the subconscious "baggage" that weighs you down whether you know it or not - then it might help for a bit, but the results will not be very long lasting.
It might even feel like you're wearing a mask of positivity when, inside, you just want to scream into your pillow or cry in a corner. The funny thing is, I needed to turn into a wet mess in order to remove my mask and really allow me to move forward in a positive way.
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I had been told I needed to face the "dark side" of my inner world and - in theory - I knew it was true. But I really don't like facing up to negative feelings, so despite dipping my toe into some of the "deeper" therapies, I was always drawn back to the positive stuff and tried my best to stick to it. It took four days in a room with Tom Fortes-Mayer, creator of The Freemind Project and author of The Freemind Experience, to really bring this message home.
I don't want you to abandon your positive thinking efforts completely because they are still an important part of your journey to feeling really good and living a full and fulfilling life. So here are a few things to consider in order to make sure your positive thinking really is working for you.
If you've done any deep inner work, you've probably noticed that it can bring up some "stuff." If you haven't, you might wonder what I'm banging on about. This stuff is the emotional pain that has been buried deep in your subconscious. It often shows up as self-sabotage. You know, those things that you do (or don't do) for no apparent reason, even though you know it's not serving you. This might be procrastination, turning down opportunities, or quitting a relationship or path that you know would be good for you. Or it might show up in the form or anxiety or depression.
In a world where positivity is praised, it can feel scary to dig up these emotions, especially if you're worried that it might negatively impact your Law of Attraction efforts. The thing is, by not addressing them that's exactly what you're doing, because they are festering under the surface, rather than being brought out into the light.
You probably know how to do affirmations. Making them positive, personal (i.e. in the first person) and in the present tense e.g. "I am a successful businesswoman." There are two schools of thought about this.
Having struggled with affirmations for a long time, even though I really wanted them to be true, I'm inclined to agree with the latter. I was reminded of this by Tom over the weekend, who suggests a different way of wording affirmations....
Keep them positive and personal but word it as if you are on the journey (which you are) rather than already there. For example, "I am a successful business woman" might become "Each and every day I am enjoying more and more creating the business of my dreams."
"Each and every day" allows for the daily progress (or if you want to allow for a "bad day" you can make it "each and every week/month".) "Enjoying" brings some fun into the process, and "more and more" allows for progress. I love this format, so I'd like to say a big thank you to Tom for reminding me (and sorry for not listening when you first told me this years ago). If you'd like to find out more about Tom's work and The Freemind Project, check out his website here. And I highly recommend his book, The Freemind Experience.
It can seem like some people simply snap out of their self-sabotage, make a decision, and become successful overnight. What you're not seeing is all the months and years of inner-work and inspired action that has brought them to that point. There are things you do that can work incredibly quickly and give you a mini quantum-leap in your development, but even the most successful female entrepreneur will have other lessons to learn and "stuff" to clear. As you peel off the emotional layers, new ones emerge underneath.
For a long time I was looking for a quick fix but now I've decided to simply enjoy the journey, see every tear as cleansing (even if it doesn't feel so good at the time), and allow my heart to open to new possibilities as I emerge from the tears feeling lighter and more loving. Would you like to join me on the journey?
Do you believe in the power of positive thinking? Have you visited "the dark side" to clear the blocks that are holding you back? I love to read your tips, tricks and insights, so please share your experiences in the comments box below.
I am passionate about women in business achieving success in a way that works for them and making the changes they need to make in order to make that happen. However, though change can be exciting it can also be scary, triggering behaviours that might not make sense to you (procrastination or self-sabotage anyone?). I help entrepreneurial women to navigate change with more clarity, confidence and courage so that these behaviours can be dissolved and they can move forward with ease and flow. If that sounds good, I'd love to hear from you!